Wednesday, January 19

It's time to install a video camera in our bedroom

Chill out, pervs. Not like that.

But some majorly weird stuff happens in our sleep.

Back when we had pet rats, one of them figured out how to open the cage door. Ignorant of her conniving little ways, I kept blaming myself for leaving the door unlatched. (After all, to open it she'd have to hang upside down, push the just the right spot with her nose, and slide open the door.) We finally realized what was up after one night when we both double-checked the cage before going to bed. She found her way into our bedroom, jumped on the bed, and curled up between us to sleep. Awww. (Or-- "shudder," for the average, non-rodent-rearing person.)
The culprit herself

This next strange happening wasn't really in our bedroom, but when we stayed in his grandma's living room. We awoke the next morning to notice that the foam pad we'd BOTH BEEN SLEEPING ON was haphazardly rolled up on the couch, tied in a loose knot with a belt. Neither of us had any idea how it got there. I always knew I married a neat freak, but... wow.


Sometimes it will happen in the morning:

A:  Jason, it's 8AM. Do you want me to wake you up?
J:   grunt.
A:  Okay, what time to you want to get up then?
J:   Tents and horses.
A:  You just said tents and horses.
J (indignantly, but eyes still closed): I know.
 










A (trying reeeally hard not to laugh): What time to you want me to wake you up?
J (eyes still closed, but sounding seriously irritated): Tents and horses!!!
A:   Dude. That's not a time.
J (sighing, eyes still closed): Oh, yeah. Ten degrees. I meant to say 'ten degrees.'
A (having some serious issues holding in my laughter): What?!
J (really angrily): It makes sense. And I'm right.
A: (completely loses it, which finally wakes him up with a very confused look on his face.)


Here's the latest and final straw that made me sit down and write this post:

Last night, I was dreaming that I was brushing my teeth. How responsible, right? As I was about to finish brushing in my dream and lean over the sink, I slowly started to wake up. I gained just enough vague consciousness to notice I was actually doing that funny sucking thing that gathers a wad of spit at the front of your mouth. Suddenly, with a life of its own, my head pulled up off my pillow and HAWKED THE SPIT ONTO MY CHEST.

WTF, SUBCONSCIOUS?!

{second photo from here.}

8 comments:

Sara said...

I wish I did awesome things in my sleep.

April said...

basting yourself in saliva = awesome...?! haha. But you seem like the type who would have some pretty crazy dreams, am I right?

Mom Matthews said...

Ha - that reminds me of the time he was sleeping on the top bunk when he was little. We went into his bedroom having heard some weird noises. He was pushing on the ceiling. Needless to say, we asked what he was doing. He continued to push and said he couldn't get the door open. We moved him to the bottom bunk:)

jenne said...

wow, this is AWESOME. i was laughing the entire time. love the "tents & horses" bit. i definitely have crazy dreams & have been known to do some weird things. we should actually totally install video cameras in our bedrooms & make this a real project! could (would) be amazing!

jenne said...

(i just realized i used the phrase "actually totally" twice while communicating with you, once just moments ago on facebook. reeaal cool...i've never said it before, so what's the big idea now?!)

April said...

SandiMama-- that little story made us laugh so hard!! I also got moved to the bottom bunk (after an incident involving somersaults...) : )

Jenne-- this chick kinda beat us to it:
http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Jeff said...

That's awesome! It sounds like you two have way too much fun while sleeping. :)

Wallie said...

OMG! This made me laugh SOOOO hard!! I get up much earlier then my husband and often ask when he wants to get up. My favorite response of his?? "Milkshakes". I crack up everytime, and of course still tease him about it, even though it happend about 6 months ago. LOL! To subconsciouses!! Cheers!