Friday, April 22

What happens when my mom drinks Yerba Mate.

Holy moley, are you guys in for a treat today.

I've been waiting for an excuse to post The Funniest Email I've Ever Gotten (from the Mama Bear herself) and now that it's her birthday, I can finally justify it.

...she may or may not have consented to me publishing this.

Meh. Bygones.

So here's the backstory to this crazy email of hers:
  • I had just emailed her about my phone not working because she hadn't payed the bills yet. (Spoiled brat, I know...! At least I wasn't married at this point yet?)
  • She is a life-long coffee addict. She brews that s#!t stronger than espresso and drinks 5 cups a day.

Without further ado, you all can now catch a glimpse of where I "get it from" (and THEN some):

Hi April!
So sorry about the phone malfunction, I think it's really unfair they cut service off just because they don't get any money. 

I've just about had it with that company anyway, always demanding money for sound waves and pieces of plastic that just annoy the heck out of you anyway (except of course when I call). I'm sure they will come to their senses before too long and let us use the service for free, but until then I guess I will play their stupid little game!!!

Kelsey and I went to see "Jumper" last night.  It was pretty good but the camera was truly "jumpy" and I felt dizzy, like I'd been on a rollercoaster!  We just threw up in the popcorn bags, though, so it was all good.

I hope you are sitting down right now, because I have some AMAZING NEWS.  Ready?  You're sitting down right?  Read this slowly, because it may be too much to take in initially.....

I     have      stopped           drinking                       coffee.

Are you okay?  Wake up, wake up!!!!  Jason, get her off the floor!!!!  

I have switched to Yerba Mate, a tea that is popular in Costa Rica.  It is supposed to give you energy without the jitters (but what if you like the jitters? just kidding, kind of). 

You probably think that I switched to Yerba Mate because I've been sick and throwing up, but actually I did it because of the obvious health benefits, AND because I was easily able to make the adjustment based on the diligent dedication to more evolving alternative lifestyle which I have embraced wholeheartedly. 

Dad, Kelsey and I are also bucking the system and have decided to be the pioneers of the Clothing-Optional Lifestyle, both at home and at school and work. Kelsey is actually pretty excited about not being a slave to fashion anymore!

You will be surprised how easy it is to get used to when you COME BACK HOME FOR SPRING BREAK!!!  Just think how much less you will have to pack :)

Okay, I'm sorry, I am trying to stop, today is going to be a fun day.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                 Lots of Love,

Perhaps I should take a tip from her, and drink a cup of Yerba before every blog post from now on...? 

Happy birthday to my Mom!! She's weird in the most amazing ways and I love her more than the world.


jasonmatthews said...

Happy birthday mama-bear in-law!

Kelsey said...

HAHAHA I can totally see her saying this!! Minus the part about me being a "slave to fashion"...pshhh keep dreaming! Haha : ) happy birthday mahma bear!!!

Emilee said...

awesome post! happy birthday to your mom :)

Samantha said...

Mahhhhma bear!! She's so cute! :D I was cracking up the whole time I read that!

Married In Chicago said...

Awe! She sounds like a riot! I can see where you get your sense of humor from :)

Paul said...

First, awesome Mom-mail. Throwing up in popcorn bags! Ha! That's comedic gold ripe for the pickin.

Second, how are you still pulling it off to have her cover your cell phone? Can you guys adopt me?

April said...

Thanks guys! I should ask her for a few (more consensual) guest posts sometime, huh?

& Paul, I know it-- I'm spoiled : ) I would make the excuse that this email's a few years old, but... she still insists on paying.

Emma @ She Got Married said...

Our moms are probably related. I love her from this post..I hope that's OK. Happy Birthday to her!

Little Wonder Lauren said...

I love it! I wish my mom was that hilarious... tell her happy birthday from a complete stranger, just cause she's so cool!! :-)

April said...

I'm sure she'd be happy to take on a few new kiddos; I'll put in a good word for you guys : )

And in the meantime, I need to teach her how to comment here! We need more Mama Bear around these parts.

vojacque said...

haha, your mother is so hilarious; i adore her humor. i am also such a caffeine-addict ( i'm about to take another sip). perhaps, i'll try Yerba! has she felt any different with the switch? especially, skin? less dry?

April said...

well, this email of hers was a while ago... she's back on the crack-feine : )

Buuut, I quit coffee and I feel great! I've never had any problems with dry skin (quite the opposite, sadly)-- but I have so much more energy now. I wake up, and feel AWAKE! it's miraculous.