Friday, May 13

What's brown and sticky?

About a month ago, Jason & I awoke to see this godzilla-ing its way down the street:
I mean, literally godzilla-ing-- it sacked out an entire traffic light pole, and left a trail of snapped-off tree branches in its wake.

This was exciting. I have this... this thing about branches.

I love them.

No, it's more than that. I ADORE them. I adore a good branch sitting on the ground. If I'm walking somewhere, and I see a nice branch, I can't just let it sit there. I have to "have" it.

I pick it up and continue my walk, savoring its branchishness; its stickishness; its natureishness-- if it's especially large, I drag it behind me on the ground. After a while, I feel satisfied, & I can set the branch back down and continue on my way.
I found an extra special stick in while Japan-- bamboo driftwood! I carried that one for a looong time.

(All of this leads me to believe I was a dog in a previous life. I just feel so happy when I've got an excellent stick.)

Sometimes, as was the case with the sticks I scored from the over-sized house event, I can find a use for the sticks. It's times like these I consider myself a "functioning" stickaholic:


There now. That's kind of nice, isn't it?

But other times, I lose the "functioning" part. Such as this King of All Sticks that I dragged onto our patio at 8am, barefoot & in my pajamas, no less than four months ago:

This, plus the awesome "Trick-or-Treat" mat = no solicitors. Good deal.
It's AWESOME, right? (Unlike the gross wet leaves all over the place). I rationalized that I would find a use for this majestic stick; yet four months later, it's still just sitting there.


I will find a use for it.



(...Other than helping visitors find our apartment.)






(...And drying my suit between daily lifeguard lessons.)






Any other ideas for it, my wonderful and creative amigos??
Support my stick habit. Be enablers. It's okay.

***
P.S. Oh yeah, I guess I should answer the title of this post for you. It's just my favorite joke of all time, you know, NBD:

Q: What's brown and sticky?
....drumroll....

A: a STICK!!!


favorite.      joke.      ever.

19 comments:

Lindsay said...

This is very possibly the weirdest thing I've ever read about a person. But I LOVE it. I have a similar habit, except I bring random rocks home.

Nanoinfinity said...

What magic are you using to keep the budding branches from dramatically throwing themselves to the ground? That picture makes me cringe. The branch on the right looks like it's peering over the edge of the shelf, calculating how much damage it can wreak with an upset tin of water.

PS what's pink and fluffy?
....
pink fluff.
What's brown and fluffy?
...
pink fluff dyed brown.

April said...

Nano, I hear ya.

My small knowledge of engineering drew a mental "free-body-diagram" and then instructed me to put rocks in the bottom : ) Cantilever WIN.

But it still makes me nervous. Some architect I'll be.

I <3 your joke.

Lindsay said...

This is very possibly the weirdest thing I've ever read about a person. But I LOVE it. I have a similar habit, except I bring random rocks home.

April said...

I know, it makes me sound totally insane. I think this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever posted :>

Nanoinfinity said...

What magic are you using to keep the budding branches from dramatically throwing themselves to the ground? That picture makes me cringe. The branch on the right looks like it's peering over the edge of the shelf, calculating how much damage it can wreak with an upset tin of water.

PS what's pink and fluffy?
....
pink fluff.
What's brown and fluffy?
...
pink fluff dyed brown.

April said...

Nano, I hear ya.

My small knowledge of engineering drew a mental "free-body-diagram" and then instructed me to put rocks in the bottom : ) Cantilever WIN.

But it still makes me nervous. Some architect I'll be.

I <3 your joke.

Nanoinfinity said...

ROCKS.

You genius, you. The simplest solution is always the best.

Kristie said...

I LOVE THAT JOKE. It's the best because somehow the answer is funnier than "poop." Not many jokes can accomplish such sophistication.

Sticks are like nature's beautiful line weights. That's right, I said it. You know it's true.

April said...

oh my gosh. I don't know if it's the NyQuil talking right now, but both of your wise, wise insights just blew my mind to Mars & back.

you know what might even be better than stick line weights? stick & ink lineweights... <3 le sighh

Beautiful Little Fool said...

You crack me up, lady. I get all internally jumpy when I get to read new posts. Since my teaching is all about the nature walks and outdoors lately, wanna come up to Boston and guest-lecture? "The Beauty of Sticks, Twigs, and Branches" would fit in quite well with Thoreau and Emerson. Or not. But I could make it fit. You know, cus I take my classes out for coffee and... it... makes sense?

Kristie said...

Omg, yes, stick drawings! You should post yours as a testament to how great sticks are. And because I have no shame in showing off my own work, and because sticky lines really are fantastic, here are some of mine.

Sam said...

I like to paint on sticks. I made a pretty sweet giraffe one once, but it was too big to take to college with me, so it ended up being fire wood. After watching the Brave Little Toaster with Sam last night, I am feeling pretty bad about that. You could also make paper flowers and then adhere them to the stick (or directly to the wall) and make a sort of flowering branch sort of wall display that is all 3D and what not. I saw that in The Big Ass Book of Crafts. It's pretty sweet. There are lots of great things to do with sticks! I remember having to drive my mom to where the red sticks grow so that she could put them in an over-sized milk jug and stick them on the porch. She would then decorate the sticks for every season (Christmas lights and ornaments, leaves, flowers, etc.)

Michael Rhinehart said...

that was a great post i always enjoy reading you post.

April said...

@BLF, I have so much to say about what makes a beautiful stick. I typed most of it up in this post, but it was super long & had to be deleted : ( Moss, lichen, "points," length/diameter ratio...

@K, yeeshush woman. Next time you can paint with my tears of rapturous wonder (from looking at your previously completed artwork... 'twill be a never ending cycle)

April said...

@Sam-- I've avoided watching the Brave Little Toaster for that very reason. I'm definitely considering doing that flower thing that you & Kanetters did, though. I loved it!

@Michael-- thanks pal!

Married In Chicago said...

The thought of you being a dog in a previous life just gave me my first laugh of the day. Thanks :)

also. your joke is funny. I'm going to tell it to my hubby when he wakes up :)

Lozzz123 said...

that's my favourite-est joke ever too!! :) never gets old (well my husband might not agree but whatever)

Precious and Jemily said...

I just stumbled upon your wee blog and loved it tres mucho! Well done... sticks rule!

Jemily x

http://ridinggiraffesinstilettos.blogspot.com/