Thursday, December 30


Yesterday, we woke up at Jason's parents' house. When they left for work, we drove to my dad's house. We hung out with him & my sister until he left for work. We picked up my mom from her apartment to go watch a movie. We ended up back at Jason's parents' house, ate dinner, then drove back to my dad's house when he got home from work at midnight. We chatted for an hour, then passed out for the night. Jason calculated that we spent two hours in the car that day.

It was a different day than I'm used to. But it was a good day, and the two hours were totally worth it.

It's strange to watch your parents heal from heartbreak. I've always been the "fixer" in our family, but I've learned over the past few years that this one is something I shouldn't--something I really can't-- fix. Letting go of this has been a roller coaster.

Most of the time, I feel relief. Occasionally, I've felt like an angsty teenager who wants to blast heavy metal (I do) and drive her car too fast (I don't). My little sister has been a role model for me; she rolls with the changes like a champ. Jason has also been amazing, as usual. He listens when I need to mourn, and cracks me up when I need to be happy.

In the past two weeks, I've made a lot of progress wrapping my head around my parents' separation. You might have noticed that it hasn't been too good for writing here-- when most of my thoughts had been occupied with other people's personal lives, I was kind of stuck not writing anything at all.

So why post this at all? It isn't a plea for pity; it isn't really even an apology for not writing much lately. I want to be honest and real with you guys. It feels wrong to only talk about the happy stuff.

So. I've been going through a bit of a tough time lately, but it's getting better.


ho_ said...

You're a trooper. Just stay awesome mkay?

Kristie said...

Hey, my heart goes out to you. You'll still always have each other, even if it's in a new way than you're used to.

Much love, and hope for a happy new year.

Sam said...

Anytime you need to talk about the tough stuff you know you can give me a call. I have my share of Mama drama.

I was having a horrible day at work on Tuesday, and I came home to my mom's Christmas card in the mail. It was stuffed with five pictures of her and her new husband, and, like a child, I threw them in the fire and flipped them off. I am glad no one else was in the room for that little tantrum, but it sure as hell made me feel better as silly as it was.

All I can say is, cut yourself some slack for feeling pissed off. Everyone says it's better for parents to split up when the kids are "adults," but I think that it's 100 times harder. Kids are open to changes in their lives where as we young "adults" have gotten pretty used to the way things used to be. It is very hard. And there is no right way to feel about it.

I love you buddy. Hang in there.