|36 weeks! The bigger my belleh gets, the bigger his smile gets.|
Let me finish telling you how I told HIM. [Part 1] [Part 2]
Somehow, strangely, Jason hadn't given a second thought to me asking to talk to the ER doctor alone. Jason walked around the corner and out of sight, and Dr. Linda started writing on her clipboard.
"Okay. I'm thinking that you're going to need antibiotics, but I have to make sure that you're not pregnant. Antibiotics can--"
"I just took a test before I came here, and--"
"--harm your baby before you even know you're--"
"I just found out."
"YOU'RE PREGNANT?? AHHH!!!"
She squealed, and hugged me so hard it was almost a tackle. All my anxiety faded after seeing her ecstatic grin, and I felt a huge teary smile take over my face as I happily tried to "shush" her.
"I just found out, & I want to tell him when we get home. So... can we just say I don't need antibiotics?"
She agreed and went to get Jason, practically skipping.
As Jason & I went to head home in our separate cars, he told me he had to stop by the store on the way home. PERFECT. I had an idea for telling him and I'd need to beat him home by a few minutes.
Amigos, it's time I told you all a secret. Mr. Matthews-er has had baby fever for yeeeears at this point. On the other hand, I'd been feeling far from ready. My perfectionist personality balked at the idea of trying to rear a brand new person to their fullest potential. He'd been patient with me... for the most part.
As he had spent the virtually sleepless last week crafting his doctoral thesis, I asked him again and again what I could get him for a "PhD present." He'd look at me, tilt his head with a flirty smile, and tease, "Bayyyybeee?"
HA. Nice try, Hubster.
Fast forward exactly one week from his PhD defense, and I was sitting at the table with a small gift bag in my lap, a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom, and the beep of Hubster locking his car out in the parking lot.
He opened the door and I held out the bag.
"I got you a PhD present, Dr. Matthews."
He didn't notice my shaking hand as I handed it over. He didn't see my chin quiver as I watched his face with a nervous smile.
He dug through the tissue paper, and found a pad of sticky notes.
He saw writing underneath, and tore off the first sheet.
He met my eyes with a curious smile and I had to stifle a sob of nervous emotion. He flipped the last sheet...
"WHAT??!!?! .....you're PREGNANT?!"
He looked at me as if he were expecting a "juuust kidding, I bought a puppy," or something along those lines. But the instantaneous tears rolling down my cheeks answered for me.
I jumped up, crammed my face into his neck, and nodded as he kept asking "You're pregnant? You're PREGNANT?!"
He grabbed my shoulders and pried me away so he could see me. Not trusting my vocal cords, I just kept nodding.
You should have seen the shocked smile on his face. His chin started quivering along with mine, and we just beamed at each other with tears in our eyes.
(Then, after I slept for fourteen hours straight, we went to Barnes & Noble and bought about six parenting books.)
You guys, I love him so much. Sometimes it frustrates me that there's only so much you can do to show another person how much you love them.
But I felt like there was now a part of him living inside me; really, physically, literally living inside me. As close as you can get to another person. Giving oxygen out of my lungs and calcium out of my bones. And I would get spend months caring for and protecting and loving this little bit of Jason-ness, until it was time to share our little one with him on the outside.
Sneaky Baby, you were very, very sneaky. But I think you knew better than I did. I think you came along at just the right time.